You learn hard lessons and grow more than you thought possible, and then you continue on with the craziness of life and promptly forget it all. But then, in a moment, life throws it all back at you and you are left to wonder how on earth you could have forgotten. Those moments of remembrance and clarity bookend the busyness of life, neatly enveloping the periods of forgetfulness and wandering.
I have reached another bookend this week.
Two and half years ago, I wrote a letter to myself. I found it again this week. Inside was the following plea:
"Did you realize who was there the entire time? Did you recognize that He was right there, waiting for you, reaching for you? Even when you didn't think He would want you back? But He did. And He does. He loves you and wants you to come home. He is aware of your journey and He knows exactly how much it has hurt. He has given you hope. He has atoned for you. Your debt is paid if only you will return to Him! Talk to Him and ask Him if this is true. I know He'll say yes. He loves you. Remember the peace you have felt when you speak to Him? He will give that to you always when you just turn to Him. It's going to be a long road home--that's how life is. But Christ will be right there with you. He has experienced your life. He understands. He knows. You will not be left alone."
I was sixteen, and I had strayed from my Heavenly Father and Savior and their plan for my life. But in the moment that I wrote this, I had felt something again: hope.
Over the past two and a half years, I have learned a lot about my Savior and His Atonement. But perhaps the most important thing I have learned is that through the infinitely merciful gift of the Atonement, there is always hope.
I love the words of Elder Holland, who so perfectly (as always) describes this:
"However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines."
I forgot this so often. Instead, I lost hope as I started listening to Satan's lie that it was not possible for me to change and become whole again--I had done too much wrong and too little right. But this, I assure you, is the greatest lie ever told. No matter what we do or don't do, we can always change. We can always turn back to Him and be healed through His Atonement.
Christ loves me, you, and everyone beyond human comprehension. He loves me enough to suffer unimaginable pain and an excruciating death so that I can have hope. He loves you enough to suffer unimaginable pain and an excruciating death so that you, too, can have hope in a glorious future. The acclaimed Christian author, Max Lucado, wrote:
And because He made that choice, we can repent. We can change. We can heal. We can find peace. And this is where I have found hope.
Never lose hope and faith in the end of your story. You will prevail with the Savior's help. Use His Atonement. Take one step at a time towards your glorious end, and don't beat yourself up over the rest of the ladder you have yet to climb. Just keep trying. He is watching over you. Where you are right now is not the end. It is simply a beginning of a journey, one that He has taken before. Believe in His power to heal you, to change you, to save you.
Because of Him, there is always hope.
