Hope in Him

Sometimes life is made of bookends.

You learn hard lessons and grow more than you thought possible, and then you continue on with the craziness of life and promptly forget it all. But then, in a moment, life throws it all back at you and you are left to wonder how on earth you could have forgotten. Those moments of remembrance and clarity bookend the busyness of life, neatly enveloping the periods of forgetfulness and wandering. 

I have reached another bookend this week.

Two and half years ago, I wrote a letter to myself. I found it again this week. Inside was the following plea:

"Did you realize who was there the entire time? Did you recognize that He was right there, waiting for you, reaching for you? Even when you didn't think He would want you back? But He did. And He does. He loves you and wants you to come home. He is aware of your journey and He knows exactly how much it has hurt. He has given you hope. He has atoned for you. Your debt is paid if only you will return to Him! Talk to Him and ask Him if this is true. I know He'll say yes. He loves you. Remember the peace you have felt when you speak to Him? He will give that to you always when you just turn to Him. It's going to be a long road home--that's how life is. But Christ will be right there with you. He has experienced your life. He understands. He knows. You will not be left alone."

I was sixteen, and I had strayed from my Heavenly Father and Savior and their plan for my life. But in the moment that I wrote this, I had felt something again: hope. 

Over the past two and a half years, I have learned a lot about my Savior and His Atonement. But perhaps the most important thing I have learned is that through the infinitely merciful gift of the Atonement, there is always hope. 

I love the words of Elder Holland, who so perfectly (as always) describes this:

"However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines."

I forgot this so often. Instead, I lost hope as I started listening to Satan's lie that it was not possible for me to change and become whole again--I had done too much wrong and too little right. But this, I assure you, is the greatest lie ever told. No matter what we do or don't do, we can always change. We can always turn back to Him and be healed through His Atonement.

Christ loves me, you, and everyone beyond human comprehension. He loves me enough to suffer unimaginable pain and an excruciating death so that I can have hope. He loves you enough to suffer unimaginable pain and an excruciating death so that you, too, can have hope in a glorious future. The acclaimed Christian author, Max Lucado, wrote:

And because He made that choice, we can repent. We can change. We can heal. We can find peace. And this is where I have found hope.

Never lose hope and faith in the end of your story. You will prevail with the Savior's help. Use His Atonement. Take one step at a time towards your glorious end, and don't beat yourself up over the rest of the ladder you have yet to climb. Just keep trying. He is watching over you. Where you are right now is not the end. It is simply a beginning of a journey, one that He has taken before. Believe in His power to heal you, to change you, to save you.

Because of Him, there is always hope.

A Beautiful Height

Being tall is hard.

Sometimes readers think I've got this height thing under control. I don't. 

There are days that I wish I was shorter. There are days when I go formal dress shopping and the dress shop owner gives me a disdainful look and asks, "You got asked to a dance?" Up until recently I could count on one hand how many times I had been called beautiful. There are days that I really want to wear heels, but I'm too afraid to. Dances are a nightmare. There are days when it takes all my patience to kindly answer the fortieth person to ask for my height. Contrary to popular belief, people do look at your feet--to see if you're wearing heels. If a random guy flirts with me, it's because I'm sitting down and my height is less obvious. There are days when clothes shopping makes me so frustrated that I have to walk away, regardless of the items left on my list. There are fields and activities that tall girls are not welcome in. Crossing my legs under a table or desk? Not possible. There are days when dating is a struggle and cruel names are tossed my way. Trees are too low. Jeans are too short. Drinking fountains are a joke. 

There are days that I just have to hide in my room and cry. Like yesterday.

So, no, I don't have my height thing under control. But you know what? That's okay. I've made progress. 

And of course, there are the days that people tell me that I carry myself like a princess. There are days where sweet old ladies stop me and tell me about the magazine cover they once saw that read "Tall is beautiful." I have amazing friends who know exactly what to say when I need it most. There are the days when people tell me that I should look into modeling. Random guys get excited and want to talk about basketball. Finding people in a crowd is simply easier. There are days that strangers stop me as I walk to class and tell me how much they admire me for being so tall and so comfortable with it.

There are days that I am called beautiful. Like yesterday.  

Additionally, there are the reminders from my Heavenly Father that He loves me. He puts incredible people in my path to remind me that I was designed the way I am for a reason. I may not know that reason for a very long time, but there is a reason. He knows me. He knows my desires, my hopes, my dreams, and my needs. He also knows what he needs me to be. And I know, I promise you, that He knows those exact same things about you. He loves us.

A tall girl is a beautiful girl. Don't ever forget it.

Summer Adventures

Well, I'm moving to BYU next week. Do you know how weird that is? Really weird. I'm super excited, but I'm a little sad too, because it means that summer is over!

 

The past three months have been absolutely fantastic. It's probably been my best summer yet. My friends and I had a lot of new adventures, from running races with Breanna to shopping for college stuff with Brianna to Institute with the Lunch Bunch. We also had to say goodbye to our friends that have chosen to serve LDS missions for the next two years. I'm super proud of them and I wish I could have made it to all of their farewells, but Nauvoo dictated otherwise...

 



Breanna and I after our first 5K of the summer!

 

Farewells with the Lunch Bunch

 

In June, my family headed off to Nauvoo, Illinois. This year we were blessed to participate in both the Nauvoo Pageant and the British Pageant. It was so cool to be able to represent the early members of the LDS church and my ancestors. We all learned so much and felt the Spirit.

 

One of the lessons I learned from Nauvoo was that I need to stop worrying so much. For months, I had stressed over college and dorms and scholarships and registration and other important things to the point that I was no longer excited to go. But in Nauvoo, that changed. During the first week we were there, we learned TWO full-length pageants, learned the music, figured out costumes, and had two dress rehearsals. In the drama world, this is unheard of. The directors should have made us work scenes over and over, stressing over every single little detail, but guess what? They didn't. They gave instruction, told us to do our best, let us run it a few times, assured us it was good, and moved on. I was amazed. Our wonderful directors took what we had to offer and made it work instead of stressing over what we didn't have. This made me realize that I spent WAY too much time stressing over what I thought I wasn't ready for. So now, I'm just doing what I can do, and not worrying about anything else. If it's outside of my control, why stress? Just do the best you can, and let the Lord do the rest. You are enough. 

 

The GORGEOUS Nauvoo Temple. Sorry the picture quality is awful... silly phone cameras...

 

After Nauvoo (or Britvoo, as it's been dubbed this summer), the fun only continued. There were more missionary farewells, another 5k (thanks Breanna, that was fun), more college prep, a craft day with Brianna for our apartment, a family reunion, a camping trip, Girl's Camp (I got to go as a leader this year! I was so happy!), and a bunch of pretty fantastic adventures with Tanner. A word of advice: If you're ever a Girl's Camp leader, never leave your phone where your girls might find it. I had sooo many selfies on my phone when I got home. Chicas, you have no idea how close I was to posting them here. ;)

We got to tour the beautiful, newly remodeled Ogden Temple! It's amazing.

 

Don't you just love our styling life jackets? ;)

 

It really was a great summer. Now my sisters are headed back to school, and get this, Emylee is starting high school. I took her on a tour of my old school a few days ago. It was so surreal. But the good news is that I am officially excited for college again! My friends are going in all different directions, which is a big, hard change, but I'm so grateful that Brianna, Breanna, and Rachel will be at BYU with me. I'm really looking forward to a great Freshman year. Plus, Brianna and I have found and made some great dorm stuff, so our apartment is going to be totally adorable. Who wouldn't be excited? ;)

 

Thanks for reading, and have a wonderful day!

Graduation

Well, summer is almost over, and I have posted nothing. The past three months have been insane, but what's new? ;) I have a lot to write about, but graduation and the end of my senior year deserves its own post. So look out for summer posts in the next couple of days, and enjoy the following on graduation and the end of the school year. :)

The last month of school was an absolute blast. Granted, it was incredibly stressful and I'm pretty sure I almost had the third A- of my high school career (gasp!) but I survived and had the best last month of high school possible--especially after AP tests were over.

We had our final choir concert, which was Disney themed and absolutely fantastic. Chamber sang "Under the Sea," "Trashing the Camp," and "We're All in This Together." It was fabulous. Meanwhile, we were also furiously learning graduation music plus the coolest arrangements of "In Flanders Field" and "America the Beautiful" for a Memorial Day service. Choir really ended with a bang! It was so hard to leave Mrs. Warby and Chamber--we've been through so much together this year, and we've had a ton of fun. I miss them all, and I'm so grateful I had the privilege to work with and learn from this amazing group of people.

There was a school activity every weekend in May, so my friends and I pretty much had a party all month. We had a fabulous Senior Dinner Dance, a fun day at Lagoon, Cavestock, and our all-night graduation party! Unfortunately, we only got a few pictures of these events, and this is the only one I have, so here it is. :)

Graduation, however, was well documented. :) That morning, three of my best friends and I had a photo shoot with the amazing Mandy Douglass, who is one of my favorite people ever! Here are some of my favorites:  

We had fun. :)

And then, we graduated! I got to sit up on the stand with a bunch of my friends and fellow Sterling Scholars and stare out at all the kids I have gone to school with for almost twelve years. It was a little sad to realize that our time together was over, but I'm so excited to see what the wonderful class of 2014 does. It's going to be great!

Funny story, though. I almost messed up my walk to get my diploma. I paused in front of the big AF sign to get a picture just like I was supposed to, but then I almost walked back to my seat. I corrected my path after a second or two, but the superintendent noticed and was laughing really hard by the time I got to him. I got my diploma and shook the principle's hand and then the superintendent's wife's hand. She whispered in my ear "I just love it when women are smart. Keep it up." I was choking. She apparently didn't see my major blond moment just seconds earlier. But my family did, and they have it on film, which I am just so thrilled about. ;)

Speaking of my family, I have to pause and talk about them for a minute. They are amazing. I love them so much, and I am so grateful for everything they have done for me over the past eighteen years. I am so blessed to have two amazing younger sisters and a hilarious younger brother and the most awesome parents ever. And then I have fabulous grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. Thanks for supporting me, y'all. :)

My favorite Emylee on the face of the planet... ;)

Lenny came and surprised us! We had a Justice reunion! :)

Some of the "Lunch Bunch"... sorry we missed half of you...



Afterwards, we stayed up all night playing Clue, eating junk food, and playing Mario Kart. It was pretty fantastic.

So there you go! The end of high school was a bit sad, but it was a ton of fun. I'm so grateful for the wonderful friends I had during the past three years. They are all heading off on LDS missions and to college, and I am so proud of them. They have been such marvelous examples of strength, faith, and hard work to me, and I know I wouldn't have survived high school without them. These people rock!

Well, thanks for reading this really long post. :) Have a wonderful day!



Tall Thoughts

Hey everyone!
I'm so sorry I've been silent for the past three months. I've been working on important decisions and getting ready to graduate, and unfortunately that meant that I did not get to update Beautiful Heights! But now I'm back, so let's catch up!

THE decision has been made... (drumroll here)... I'm going to BYU! I'm super excited. And guess what? BYU has a tall people club. Guess who is going to join ASAP? :) Other than making that decision, I've been doing homework, going on choir tour, and doing senior-in-high-school stuff.

But enough about that. Let's talk about being tall for a moment, shall we? I haven't done that in a while.

Being tall is tough. Now that I'm about to graduate, when I look back I'm surprised at how much I've grown (pun totally intended) as I've come to terms with--and even to love--my height. It's been a long, hard journey. Some days are much better than others. Other days are really rough (particularly jean shopping days... enough said). But do you know what? I've decided tall girls are some of the best girls out there. We're pretty much the coolest (please notice the "some of" and the "pretty much," my shorter friends. Ha ha). But honestly, there are not many people in the world who have one of their trials and insecurities visible for all to see every single day of their lives, raw and exposed to all who wish to stomp on it. And stomp on it they do. (Whoa! Sounded like Yoda, that did!) But do you know what? It's ok! Granted, sometimes I have to remind myself of this fact after I have yet another "tall" conversation with a dear soul (side note: I think I need to make myself a shirt that says "I'm 6'3'', I play basketball, I don't play volleyball, and yes, I do enjoy my height. Any other questions?), but being tall is wonderful. It teaches us patience, kindness, and a sense of humor, and through my height I've come to know my Savior and myself. I wouldn't have it any other way.

So, there's my tall rant for the day. :) Oh, and on a tangent, remember when I posted that Beautiful Heights had 1,000 views? Well, thanks to you wonderful readers, we are soaring above 2,000 and quickly approaching 3,000 views from all over the world! That is incredible. Thank you so much!

And as usual, thanks for reading, and have a wonderful day! :)

Letting Go

Well, if you have been reading Beautiful Heights for the past year, you probably know that I am OBSESSED with Disney. I love Disney movies, Disney music, Disney toys, Disney clothes, Disney Pinterest pins... you get the idea. :) So obviously my latest obsession is over the movie Frozen. I absolutely love this movie. I may or may not have a count down going until it comes on to DVD (it's a month and four days, just so you know).

Along with all the other Frozen fans, Elsa's song Let it Go has pretty much become my theme song--especially this week. On Tuesday, I had regional interviews for Sterling Scholar. I had been preparing since November for this interview. Needless to say, I was terrified. On the drive there, my mom turned on our Frozen CD and we belted along with Elsa. I went to my interview with a mix of Let it Go and primary songs running through my head, desperately fighting to stop my hands and voice from shaking. Afterwards, I felt like my interview was the best I could do, and all I could do was to wait for Thursday, when I would find out if I made it to State.

I didn't.

I can't even describe how disappointed I am. I have poured four months of my life into this endeavor, just to have it squashed and taken away. But I have to move on from the disappointment, the pain, and the frustration. I have to let it go.

So while I'm learning this life lesson that we all need to know, please enjoy the super talented Alex Boye's rendition of Let it Go, and remember that we all need to let things go in our life--pain, disappointment, anger, grudges, low self-esteem, etc. Good luck, and thanks for reading!

Thoughts

I've been thinking a lot lately about life the past few months. My senior year has been absolutely amazing and I have grown in ways I never thought possible, but that growth has come at a cost. My senior year has been almost completely opposite of what I planned for myself and for my friends. I have watched (and am still watching) my closest friends go through incredibly hard trials, and I am left to wonder "Why us? Why now?"

After thinking about this for several months, I think I've finally come to a conclusion. All the trials my friends and I have gone through--brain tumors, depression, concussions, severe illness, etc.--have made us stronger. We haven't just endured, we've lived. We've taken time to appreciate each other and our families. Our focus on what is really important has returned. And we've learned to never take a day or human being for granted.

There are days, weeks, months, and even years of hardship ahead for everyone here on earth. And even though I sometimes kick and moan and whine about my trials, they are the one teacher that has taught me to live.

So take the time to live--really live--today. Choose friends with positive attitudes and great senses of humor. Be grateful. Spend time with those who matter most before you give attention to those who don't. Cherish the little moments. Laugh. Sing. Dance. Read. Just live.

Why not now? Why not us?